dark and stormy clouds

Today, the euphoria of my new blogging adventure dissipated and the dark and stormy clouds have made a sudden, but predictable descent. I feel deflated as memories of previous auditions and thoughts about what I think people will say swirl around my head and sink into my heart and bones.

When I get hooked up in these thoughts and memories, I start to feel quite down. These heavy feelings then set off more thoughts and feelings of how useless I am and what a waste of time all of this blogging and practicing is.

But I am an old hand at this stuff now. I meditate daily, and have done now for a number of years. I have become much better at noticing that I am getting hooked up with these clouds and stormy weather. I am getting much more efficient at unhooking, and then refocussing on what I care about.

I am better at naming these feelings, noticing these types of thoughts and then remembering what I want my life to be about.

And I don't want it to be about running away from the scary things.

So today, again, I write.

I said that I would, although I don't want to - it is uncomfortable and I feel vulnerable.

But I care about it.

So here it is.

Along with a little video from my favourite British buddhist ex-monk Andy Puddicome from headspace.