unwilling to have fun

Classical music is a serious business. It is high art and sophisticated. It is not meant to be fun.

Well, it might be fun playing with others, but how can standing on my own playing ridiculous excerpts be fun? Especially considering how much time I have spent preparing and practicing and having lessons and playing for people. And the airfares and hotel room and ubers and accompanist fees. 

I have to do well, not have fun.

And being judged and compared. And how embarrassing if I don't get through to the second round. How can that be fun? 

I have to play properly and perfect and be the best and to win. It is only meant to be fun when you are good enough to have fun, and I don't have the right yet.

It is all about being the best, getting the right notes in the right place. Having the right sort of sound and playing exactly in tune in the right style. 

How is THAT meant to be fun?